I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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