the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize