look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
