So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
