watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
