That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
