I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
thus making me awesome and them whores
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
