i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
