she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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