I molested 6 butterflies tonight
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
