Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The uberlube is also flammable
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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