Don't you send me to vm
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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