I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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