I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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