my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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