That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
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