he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
