You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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