belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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