Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
