Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
As shirtless as possible
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
