I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
