I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
