I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
