I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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