I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
