I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
