Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
