I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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