I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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