And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
