well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize
