I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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