yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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