my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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