Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
