I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
