sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
