All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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