Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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