i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
