after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
