Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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