Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
