I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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