Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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