I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I would fuck him just for his dog
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
