i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize