from now on my penis is your penis
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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