ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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