remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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