I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
