U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
