your thong is hanging out like whoa
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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