he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
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