Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize