She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
