mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
