She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
