omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
