It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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