If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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