someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I know her cup size but not her name....
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