I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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