I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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