Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
